In Loving Memory of Joseph Kirkbride Milnor 1923-2024 United States Air Force Veteran of World War II

It is with sadness that we share the news of the death of our beloved father Joseph (Jay) Kirkbride Milnor, who died peacefully at Salem Hospital on December 28th, 2024, at the age of 101. Jay was a man of unwavering integrity, warmth, discipline, a wry sense of humor, a strong belief in fairness and what is best and right, and a deep commitment to education and family. He lived a life that deeply touched the lives of many.

Jay was born in 1923 and spent his early years in Ridgewood, NJ. In 1938, Jay entered his beloved Kent School (CT). It was the school's founder, Father Pater, whose profound influence and steady tutelage shaped Jay's lifelong values, and it was at Kent that his remarkable life began to take shape. Jay was appointed Kent's Sacristan, a prestigious honor that carried responsibilities for the chapel. He was elected President of the Glee Club and captained the baseball team. His experiences at Kent were precursors to the leadership roles to which he aspired and later held. He went on to attend Princeton University (BS, 1948), and Trinity College (MA).

During WWII, Jay served courageously in the U.S. Army Air Force as a gunner and member of the 725th squadron of the 15th Air  Force.  In 2019, the French Consulate General in Boston awarded him the French Legion of Honor in a private, stateside ceremony recognizing his service toward the liberation of France.

After the war, Jay returned to Princeton to finish his degree in history, and it was then that his courtship of Anne Stockton took place. In 1948 he married Anne, the one and only love of his life. Together they built a loving family, raising four children with warmth, wisdom, and a sense of curiosity and wonder about the world.

It was at his wedding reception, through a whisper in his ear, that Jay heard of a teaching position at Rectory School in CT, where his distinguished career in education began. While he taught and coached youngsters, Anne assumed the school's nursing duties. A few years later, Jay accepted a position at the nearby Pomfret School, where he continued his career in private secondary school education, teaching history, and coaching baseball, football, and hockey.

It was Anne who, seven years later in 1957, encouraged Jay to take the position of Principal of the American School, Robert Academy in Istanbul. After three formative years in Turkey, he returned to CT to assume the headmastership at Pomfret School. Under his consequential watch (1961-1973), Pomfret admitted its first African American students, and made the strategic leap to co-education. His was a transformative reign, burnishing a legacy of character-building, mentorship, inspiration, and innovation. He believed strongly in the power of education, and the strength of community to influence and change lives.

Jay's work in education extended beyond his retirement from Pomfret School. He worked for SPHERE, a program which provided supplemental, educational reinforcement and enrichment for inner city students of need in Hartford, CT. Later he worked at Carney, Sandoe & Associates in Boston, providing consulting services to secondary schools across the nation. Putting an exclamation point on his career, he then served as the interim head of Castilleja School in Palo Alto, CA.

In his personal time, he enjoyed travel, gardening, historical non-fiction, a good murder mystery, and classical music. A passion of his was sports, most notably the NY Yankees in his youth, and all things Boston later on, which he particularly relished watching with one or both of his sons.

His favorite thing - always - was spending time with family, especially at Anne's family home on Marthas Vineyard. Here is where he felt most at home and at ease, escaping from the pressures of the day. Summer vacations were spent with family and friends swimming at the beach, throwing the ball, or watching his kids catch the golden ring at the merry-go-round in Oak Bluffs.

In their later years, Jay and Anne moved to Brooksby Village, a wonderful retirement community where they built a warm and welcoming home for family and friends. He still enjoyed his daily hot tea, and just being with Anne. He remained remarkably healthy, autonomous, and independent until he was almost 100 years old. He reluctantly moved from a cane to a walker, and even more reluctantly moved to a wheelchair at the very end.

Jay is survived by his four children - Nancy, Scott, Arthur, and Susette, and their spouses Stefan, Marcela, Elaine, and Rick; his five granddaughters – Kirsten, Carolyn, Menemsha, Sarah, and Elise; and five great-grandchildren. He leaves behind a family and community who loved him, and a legacy of accomplishment and inspiration from the extraordinary life he lived.

We will celebrate Jay's remarkable life with a memorial service later in 2025. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to the "Brooksby Village Scholarship Fund" (Peabody, MA), to assist Village high school employees with further education, or to Pomfret School or Kent School (CT), all in honor of his lifelong commitment to education.

With love and gratitude,

Nancy, Scott, Arthur, Susette, and their families

Brooksby Village Scholarship Fund
Attn: Philanthropy Office, 100 Brooksby Village Drive, Peabody MA 01960
Web: https://donations.erickson.com/s/?com=bbv&fund=sch

Pomfret School
389 Pomfret Street, Pomfret CT 06258

Kent School
1 Macedonia Road, Kent CT 06757